I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's great music for shaving your balls
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
