I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize