my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
