Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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