Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
