All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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