I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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