Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
