I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
