yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
