it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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