she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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