help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
