dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
