By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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