I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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