i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
