Plan B is the new Plan A
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
