my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's blow job season.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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