carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize