I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She's the barista slut.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
