i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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