well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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