well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
