shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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