i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
