Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
