i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
