We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
