her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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