Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
