What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
