yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
