Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
