My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
