I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
