420 ftw
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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