and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
