don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
