You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
