I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
