how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
