the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize