I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
