I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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