apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
