You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
