He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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