I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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