Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
