ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
