yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
