So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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