I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
