Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
