I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
