I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
