My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
