i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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