road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
