I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
