This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
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