I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
