This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
