He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize