I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
