he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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