The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
