I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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