i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
