Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
smell my finger.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
