do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
