I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
