i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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