Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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