my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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