My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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